Can I just say…

Can I just say winter sucks! Not because my fingers become popsicles every morning as I race from my front door to the car or because my 40 minute commute becomes an hour long anxiety ride with limited visibility. Winter sucks because it is empty. Yes, we have mountains of snow to ski on, but the landscape reminds me of the period between sleep and alertness. Foggy snapshots of dreams you want to remember, but can’t.

When I see a snow covered field I think about the grass frozen below, the stems of flowers unable to bloom. Unfulfilled dreams smothered by the weight of nothingness. Where do the deer and rabbits sleep, and how do they find their food. Do spiders freeze? Useless questions race through my mind.

I do see beauty in the snow. Glistening crystals throwing a kaleidoscope of colors into the air. Ice covered branches resembling diamonds during sunrise. So why do I feel so empty during winter?

Maybe winter represents lost time, putting off what we want in life while we wait for warmer weather. I miss the beauty of summer hikes and think about how my time could be better spent than buried under a blanket playing video games.

By the time spring comes, we are all five months older. My youngest daughter is five months closer to moving on to college, and my muscles are five months older and out of shape. Winter means emptiness because it represents a static life. Precious moments buried under a sheet of ice and frigid temperatures.

Every year we promise to enjoy the season. Good intentions begin, and we bundle up layer upon layer and attempt to enjoy the landscape. But, like a lake succumbing to winters deep freeze, we become still and lie in wait until spring thaw.


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